there and back again

the journey home is always an interesting one. driving down the old familiar road, noticing the slight changes in the scenery, and breathing in air that brings nostalgia.

unlike our beloved story, i did not save the world and my journey is far from over. coming home is like an intermission. i come home, rest, drink soda, eat chinese food, and return back to the flow of things.

but lately, i feel like i'm ready for a new adventure. grad school unfortunately does not feel new to me, but perhaps God is slowly guiding me somewhere or to something very slowly. my heart longs for a new road or new things to explore. and yet, in the back of my mind i fear the pain that He will lead me to. but life is not without pain... and adventures require a bit of suffering so that the stories are worth telling.

but who knows, perhaps my heart is growing old and weary... i do long to be taken Home.

the misguided search

walking into the entrance of target one will immediately notice that to the left is the cashier and to the right is the cosmetic section along with various toilery items. my goal for the afternoon was to find coconut butter. this should be quite simple considering the location of the lotion isle and it's relation to the cashier. my estimated time of this rigorous search should have taken no longer than a few minutes. when in reality, my search ended up taking me nearly 20 minutes! i walked through the lotion section, the hair product section, the cosmetic section, the body wash section, the nameless female product section, and still could not find my coconut butter! as i was about to give up on my search i decided to walk through the lotion section one more time reading every single bottle of lotion... and there it was, at the very bottom shelf in the middle of the isle was a bottle with the words, "cocoa butter."

and now i smell like cocoa.

my life is a misguided search... every inch of my body desires to turn to all the misguided direction... my mind wanders into unknown worlds to distract me from this one...

but tonight, i want to be like hosea. i want to love and obey God instead of searching for my own selfish desires... to the point where i am willing to walk into a pain for His glory.

happy neighbor mom

is not very happy at all. she yells at her kids every night. i do not love my neighbor.

i have been irritated all day.

having friends is not easy. loving is not easy. life is not easy. today i feel the burden of discipleship. apparently discipling someone is not easy. it makes me wonder, why does God pick the dummies all the time? i do not have what it takes to do what He asks of me... but i guess that's how i will come to realize that His grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect in my weakness...

to top off my irritating day, i can't bake muffins because i don't have any milk and it's too late to go to the store... i really had my heart set on baking muffins. =(

patience

there is nothing like having a six year old child sober you up. we asked the kids in my sunday school class what they were impatient for and one of them answered, "for Jesus to return!" i long for peace surpassing all understanding and the day when there will be no more tears.

in other news, panera is crowded and i do not need to listen to the consumption of donuts of a complete stranger. i'm going home.