a petition of sorts

my heart is filled with sorrow only to be cured by the One whose blood overs over me. it is heavy with sadness for the rebellion of our generation and beyond. oh, how we continually, actively, and knowingly sin against the One who deserves all glory and praise. anger rises in me as i acknowledge the depth of my depravity and the effects of a fallen world.

how long, o Lord? when will You pour out Your wrath and show justice upon your people? will You do nothing as your creation sin against You? will You not discipline Your children? Lord, let your justice and mercy come down like like thunder and strike conviction in our hearts. may it burn with passion and faithfulness!

Finite

having bounds or limits; not infinite; measurable.


eleven weeks, eleven states, one deer, three graduations, two car accidents, one major car wreck/near death experience, one new cell phone, one broken laptop, one semi-stressful wedding, countless parties, and even more flights... is just a glimpse of my summer. now if you multiple that by stress and anxiety, you will get a very overwhelmed amy. not to mention thousands of dollars spent... *shrug*

and yet, here i am sitting in front a laptop (that i'm borrowing!) unscathed and relative sane... is quite a miracle!

and while i did walk away from the accident virtually unharmed and was able to even survive this fallen world thus far, i am far from being invincible. i sat down at church not too long ago, maybe a couple months after my accident, and realized... that it is only by God's grace that i am alive. but at any moment, God can take me home.

i guess all this to say... God is gracious and i am powerless... and... i'm okay with it. and... more than ever... i want to live righteously and a life worthy of His death.



Infinite: unbound, unlimited, not finite, immeasurable, God.

encounter

my eyes, hardly open, and yet, sees so much despair.
my heart, slowly beating, bursts open with agony.
my soul, barely hanging on, weeps.

where are you, dear Lord?
when will you return, dear Jesus?



"i had heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You; therefore i despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes."
Job 42:6

a song

In shady, green pastures, so rich and so sweet,
God leads His dear children along;
Where the water's cool flow bathes the weary one's feet,
God leads His dear children along.

Some through the waters, some through the flood,
Some through the fire, but all through the blood;
Some through great sorrow, but God gives a song,
In the night season and all the day long.

Sometimes on the mount where the sun shines so bright,
God leads His dear children along;
Sometimes in the valley, in darkest of night,
God leads His dear children along.

Some through the waters, some through the flood,
Some through the fire, but all through the blood;
Some through great sorrow, but God gives a song,
In the night season and all the day long.

Though sorrows befall us and evils oppose,
God leads His dear children along;
Through grace we can conquer, defeat all our foes,
God leads His dear children along.

Some through the waters, some through the flood,
Some through the fire, but all through the blood;
Some through great sorrow, but God gives a song,
In the night season and all the day long.

restlessness

the monster is back.

anxiety overwhelms me, tiredness fogs my judgment, emotions cover my logic, and pain surrounds me.

i need Jesus.

there and back again

the journey home is always an interesting one. driving down the old familiar road, noticing the slight changes in the scenery, and breathing in air that brings nostalgia.

unlike our beloved story, i did not save the world and my journey is far from over. coming home is like an intermission. i come home, rest, drink soda, eat chinese food, and return back to the flow of things.

but lately, i feel like i'm ready for a new adventure. grad school unfortunately does not feel new to me, but perhaps God is slowly guiding me somewhere or to something very slowly. my heart longs for a new road or new things to explore. and yet, in the back of my mind i fear the pain that He will lead me to. but life is not without pain... and adventures require a bit of suffering so that the stories are worth telling.

but who knows, perhaps my heart is growing old and weary... i do long to be taken Home.

the misguided search

walking into the entrance of target one will immediately notice that to the left is the cashier and to the right is the cosmetic section along with various toilery items. my goal for the afternoon was to find coconut butter. this should be quite simple considering the location of the lotion isle and it's relation to the cashier. my estimated time of this rigorous search should have taken no longer than a few minutes. when in reality, my search ended up taking me nearly 20 minutes! i walked through the lotion section, the hair product section, the cosmetic section, the body wash section, the nameless female product section, and still could not find my coconut butter! as i was about to give up on my search i decided to walk through the lotion section one more time reading every single bottle of lotion... and there it was, at the very bottom shelf in the middle of the isle was a bottle with the words, "cocoa butter."

and now i smell like cocoa.

my life is a misguided search... every inch of my body desires to turn to all the misguided direction... my mind wanders into unknown worlds to distract me from this one...

but tonight, i want to be like hosea. i want to love and obey God instead of searching for my own selfish desires... to the point where i am willing to walk into a pain for His glory.

happy neighbor mom

is not very happy at all. she yells at her kids every night. i do not love my neighbor.

i have been irritated all day.

having friends is not easy. loving is not easy. life is not easy. today i feel the burden of discipleship. apparently discipling someone is not easy. it makes me wonder, why does God pick the dummies all the time? i do not have what it takes to do what He asks of me... but i guess that's how i will come to realize that His grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect in my weakness...

to top off my irritating day, i can't bake muffins because i don't have any milk and it's too late to go to the store... i really had my heart set on baking muffins. =(

patience

there is nothing like having a six year old child sober you up. we asked the kids in my sunday school class what they were impatient for and one of them answered, "for Jesus to return!" i long for peace surpassing all understanding and the day when there will be no more tears.

in other news, panera is crowded and i do not need to listen to the consumption of donuts of a complete stranger. i'm going home.

"Miss Amy, is God a boy?"

i LOVE working with children. one of my kindergartern boys asked me this past sunday if God is a boy because we always use male pronouns (now he did not say male pronouns) when we talk about God. what a brilliant question for a 5 year old boy! i told him that God the Father is not human, but Jesus did become a man and we do refer to the Holy Spirit as "He." God is not gender specific but the bible does use male pronouns when they talk about Him and we are only limited to our human terms. Anyway, it was fun. I gave him a high five for asking such a thoughtful question!

welcome to male leadership ladies and gentlemen. Christ as the head and the church as His submissive people. may we grow in humility and love for the One who has died for the salvation of all who believe.

A day in the life of Amy Yao

consists of multiple awkward moments and unexpected events. i mean how many of us get to call their professor's cell phone on the first day of class to see whether or not he is going to show up, only to discover that he is in fact not going to show up because he is still on vacation in washington. (in my defense there were 10 other confused students in the room with me and it was really the registrar's fault for misinforming students of the dates of the class. how i obtained his cell phone number is irrelavent...) or how many of us are asked by the professor himself to call his wife at home to ask her what were the colors at their wedding. and yes, it was in the middle of class with 30 other students sitting around me...

well... i suppose since this is my first post of the year, written at approximately 12:45pm, inspired by Miss Tarrah T, i should probably write some kind of sentimental mambo jambo thing about 2007 or some kind of resolution for the new year...



here in the midnight hours, i sit quietly contemplating all that took place in the previous year. strange, how i feel as though i am a different person now than i was a year ago. was it not just a year ago when i was overwhelmed by misery, sufficating in my own despair, wondering when this season will pass, and feeling utterly hopeless. was it not just a year ago when you, my dear brother, said to me that i was living in the never ending winter?

oh, how you wept with me and how you petitioned before God on my behalf. did i not my break your heart with my tears?

and yet, you had hope... narnia came to me at last, dear brother.


and my bones rejoice. my eyes see the Lord and my soul is renewed. i asked, "How long?" and despite my defective soul, You O Lord, have dealt bountifully with me. now my heart rejoice in your salvation.

though there continues to be sorrow, i will wait on You. f or there will come a day when You will gloriously return and there shall be peace like a river flowing through my soul. and the trees of the hills will clap their hands.